Own shoes. Own heart.

There is a time, when you need someone to follow, but then you need to leave him or her and follow your own heart. There is a saying in the East - when you encounter Budha, kill Budha. It does not mean you need to kill anyone, but you need tto become bigger than your teacher, to negate him becoming yourself. V.V.Landsbergis (Lithuanian writer) 

Christmas Eve a year ago. My mother sighs : 'where are you going to celebrate Christmas next year, will you have food and a shelter?' Fear feathers irritate my stomach, but my Soul Shoes tell me to go. One woman, after just having closed the church door, in a holy (perhaps) manner, announced 'such a stupid idea would never occur to me'. 

But we dared to go. Dared to follow the new, our own unpaved track. We sifted the jar of tips and suggestions, not following anyone blindly. We walked our own soul road despite the fact that to someone it looked too short or too straight, too fast or too rocky, or slippery.

The saint or the sinners, the wise or the fool, willing to warn, advice or help, may err. No one of them is in your Soul shoes, because they solely have their own Soul shoes. Sometimes they are dirty and neglected, but some are shiny and spacious. Bet they are theirs. Your soul shoes might be worn out, but they suit you. If anyone says they tried to wear them and now they know what does it mean, they only think they can. Your shoes to them were still too tight or two capacious, and soon they might have gotten blisters. They don't know what does it mean to wear a day, a week, a year...

If you desperately try to look at somebody's shoes, remember: scarlet high heels may look very elegant, but the blue toes inside impatiently waiting to be free. Maybe your shoes out of season, maybe the laces are wet and dropped down, but they are the most precious and the most comfortable.

Walk with your own Heart Shoes. If someone in silence or with open ears would want to walk with you a mile or a hundred, let it be gift. 

Memory lane in my hojskole

You've got to arrive early to Stansted airport should you wanted to get a luxurious 3-unrailed-seat and have a semi-quality night sleep. I observe passing travelers like predators desperately hunting for at least smth that comfort touristos would call a torture or a nightmare. I was a fortunate one to get a two seater with a chair in front to stretch my legs. I better didn't want to use toilet facilities as this would be immediately taken by tired and desperate air migrants.

The cheapest latte, and I am drifting off down the Silkeborg hojskole memory lane: canoeing in the sunlit lake, typical morning assembly with an-alien-looking noisy translation system for foreign bunch of Euroclassers, the classic lounging corners for drowsy students, Little Prince wall, sunset tapestry in the big hall, hooks for the mugs, morning assembly songs; the vintage hojskole-like prorgramme with live music parties; a night in an ex-photography-dark-room with secretly borrowed mattresses, and a lot of wicked memories from my Euroclass year.

It's been good to reflect the impact of the place which gave me a good kick to my life. Summing up the conscious meanings is the least thing I can do. Courage to start off new things, a newborn passion for outdoor activities, a number of crazy team building games, tolerance and lifelong friendships.

passing trains and thoughts

Latte and passing trains... I always cherished the sound of the wheels hitting the rails. No other vehicle noise has made that snug impression so far. I am amidst of my mini baltic-to-happen voyages this week. It's good to have a chance only sip my milky drink and have my rollocoasty thoughts calm down a tiny bit.

Tomorrow after so much time I'll come back to Silkeborg Hojskole. Even though I didn't think to do any more traveling before I hit the Big Road, Laurens' kind approach and the temptation to meet lovely people who undergone similar experiences lured me into the fast decision. Hence a bit of hectic traveling, but I keep on hearing 'its you Eva'.

Who am I then after all. People call me snail or turtle, always with the 'packed house' on my shoulders as Im ready to travel. Why can I not stay in one place like a lot of people do? Why are some people nomads and some settlers? Do I need in any way feel guilty of being a different persona?

A quick coffee-and-croissant conversation with my always-beloved-and respected aunty Egle revealed our differences in priorities. They always had a dream to have his business flourished which brings financial stability and that freedom. Which in fact I already own it. Freedom happened to be my second name for a little while. And yes, I am not that settled down person like my sister and cousins, who already formed the families and raising future generations. If that is my way, I possibly need to wait.

'Why traveling?' Ruta's question surely makes sense. Will I gain any better or wiser? Why I need to thumb a hitch for miles in order to understand something that Coelho has already concluded in his novel: the tru treasure is where I am and what I have within me. I perhaps won't become any happier, but my wisdom will grow.

I believe some precious people are scared of death that might approach the un-careful traveler. The article in 'I and psychology' about people's indifference and avoidance of loss of life only supports that idea. I guess we should be prepared for anything, but hope for the best. I suppose Stefano's death has put a lot of things in different perspective. I guess him and my sis Patricia have become my angels who will surely guard us on our way.

My next post will perhaps cover of practical and less melancholic features. I do believe though that spending time of respecting my own feelings and giving them a good vent, will help me have a better focus and perspective onto serious organisational things.

At the foot of the preparation

'Good luck on your adventure!' Alastair Humphreys signature landed on my P. Coehlo diary and he shook our hands. My heart skipped the beat. This adventure seeker who cycled around the world and crossed India on foot planted our deep desire to launch our adventure. Karolis and I warned each other about upcoming arrows of criticism or mockery. Luckily Newcastle friends only encouraged our still very fresh decision.

Surely, after having listened Alistair Humphreys fourty six thousand mile adventures, our planned thrill giggled like a baby. We patted each other on the shoulder encouraging each other 'its our adventure!'

Our preparation works gained the momentum. Karolis is a very organised persona. Immediately he brought in a simple tool to organise our spider web of visas, vaccinations, budget and insurance. Hopefully the next three months will be enough to prepare ourselves.

A large map covered my wall. We circled the world with a thick marker. We keep on wiping and adjusting its curvature, however it has already started to gain kind-of-realistic-view.

'What is your aim?' even the most faithful supporters sighed. We have inscribed it on the Pacific Ocean. 'To travel around the world' Karolis has highlighted the statement. Not more or less. 'Travel-around-the world' our supporter Justas has loudly rehearsed this three-word magic combination. The very first time sounded almost impossible. The fifth one has already stuck in my mind. We will certainly need some courage and determination.

Somewhere around the equator we scribbled our bi-directional tasks: to inform the world about Lithuania and communicate to the world about our tiny country. Just next to Peru we squeezed our personal intentions. I have always developed a great desire to explore the spirituality and creativity across the globe, meanwhile Karolis is interested in philosophical appreciation. We have never argued about our common strong feelings towards nature. Spring/summer Great Britain peaks of Snowdon, Scafell pike ir Ben Nevis as well as coast-to-coast solo cycle voyage have pushed us towards this great decision.

Today Ray Baxters value cards lined up on my carpet.

'What are our team values?' we have discussed it while sipping the green tea and munching on toast and honey.

Peace. honesty, learning, wonder, co-operation, respect, determination, courage, freedom, responsibility

We may sound naively. If not Edinburgh Mountain Film Festival alpinists Catherine Destivelle and Andy Turner, BASE jumper Karina Hollekim, ultra-runner Fiona Rennie and our inspirational Humphreys, we perhaps thought we are daydreaming. Is that some sort of a fairy-tale?

Dream

'Another four hours to go'. I gaze at the sea waves which in a second or two are about to occupy the best lengths of the seashore. I cannot comprehend as yet, that in those four hours one of my biggest dreams is about to be given a full right to exist aloud.

Three minutes to go. If no 'yes' answer arrives via email, we are about to trot the world in 3 months. I cannot quite realise whether my hands are shaking of the growing wind or perhaps only they are aloud to unconsciously express what my guts really handling.

NO! Email has not arrived. YES! We are signing into this mad adventure...

Kothbiro

Kothbiro - rain is approaching...
All day the raindrops have been drumming on my dormer. I am glad that the only distance I needed to crawl was a kettle in the kitchen to prepare some coffee and a morning breakfast for the kittens. I stayed all day working: seems slowly but surely things converge into one good puzzle...
15d to go. I'm anticipating... Like a child observing when the calendar eventually is getting filled with red crosses, and soon that day will be just around the corner...

16 days to go

16 days to go... every evening near my bed into the vase I soak a good mixture of feelings: for couple of moments I leave myself entirely overwhelmed, excited and quixotic, soon realizing I have to collect every crumb of my scattered mind in order to arrange some practical points.

Some of them I did. As a perfect lithuanian I always search for the best bargains. After getting typhoid, hepatitis A, tetanus, diphteria and polio (I got it at my local GPs); yellow fever and meningitis vaccination received at a fair price in Lithuania. sorted.

next step - to organize the stays. I am not a big fan of hotels and posh guest houses - I find it extremely boring. I remember "just like that" trips around Israel, Jordan and Egypt -I still recall that until now with freshness. Loved every single moment.
Therefore I spent quite some time at the Hospitality Club - my local world. Already have made some nice contacts with couple of people where we are going to stay, that sounds inspirational.

Deep down I sort of decided not to plan every single detail in a-german-style. I leave it to my and Stephen's intuitions. I want to follow the Hand, that always led me everywhere with maximum security, fair amount of adventures and minimum pain.

Marhaba: how are you in swahilli. At least some phrases. Bit by bit.